A Solitaire Addiction Was in My Cards

I… I have a confession to make. One of a very serious nature. It’s not easy to talk about, but if the internet isn’t a safe place to talk about serious and personal matters, then what is? A therapist? Please.

I have an addiction. They say admittance is the first step, so I guess you could say I’ve taken the first step. I am admitting I have a problem. I should get help, but I don’t think I’m at that point in my life that I can get it quite yet.

Just looking at it gives me an itch...

I am addicted to solitaire. I know about the problems that arise from card addictions. Solitaire is, after all, the gateway to other game addictions. I can’t help it. If I open a video, I drag it to one side and play solitaire on the other. It started out with plain solitaire, but then it evolved to spider solitaire, despite my intense phobia and severe aversion to spiders. That doesn’t stop it. It doesn’t affect my addiction in any way. If anything, it just proves my addiction to solitaire is stronger than my phobia of spiders.

I imagine my addiction will only progress farther if I don’t try to stop it now. One day it’s solitaire, then it’s spider solitaire, and before you know it, I’m playing a full blown game of Monopoly. And it doesn’t just have to be digital. I have the Monopoly app on my iPod, where I can play against the computer, but what if my iPod dies and I can’t charge it somehow? I will have to resort to playing a full board game of Monopoly against myself! I will be the banker and 2-4 players. I will buy myself out, I will bankrupt myself and I will win and lose. And not only that, but we have several editions of Monopoly! I could play 4 straight games of Monopoly and they will all be different!

The worst part of the situation above is that I don’t even like Monopoly. Seriously. We play it every Thanksgiving as a family and I am one of the first people to go bankrupt because somehow I can’t figure out the balance between liquid capital and assets. I have come to loathe Monopoly. It’s sad to admit that 75% of that reason is simply because I’m not good at it, but I also simply don’t enjoy it.

"Look how much we don't want to kill each other! I'll get you back for taking
St. James Place,  Bobby. You best sleep with one eye open tonight."

Give me Pictionary or Cranium- now there’s a game that I enjoy. Also Clue.

But Clue will probably be on the list of games I will be addicted to. I will start carrying around this giant bag and it’ll be chock full of portable or travel versions of board games and a deck of cards to play solitaire with when my laptop/iPod is dead. Maybe it’ll get so bad that I will actually learn how to play Hearts, Free Cell or, God forbid, Bridge.

Rock bottom will be all those games that are so mind-numbingly boring or so easy that as soon as you’ve set the game up you’ve already regretted your decision. You know which games I’m talking about. I’m talking about Go Fish, Chutes and Ladders, Risk (I am NOT a strategist, nor am I patient when it comes to this game), Candy Land, Battleship, and at the very worst, the card game of War. That’s right. A card game where there is no strategy involved, not even the hand eye coordination of slapping cards to acquire them like in Egyptian Rat Race. You just lay down cards and keep laying down more when you and your “opponent” have laid down the same card. And it’s such a long game- it just keeps going and going and going and going and going….

Good God, there's even a card game app. This is a new low. 

It does feel better to get this off my chest, I must admit. I’m still on the gateway game, but I have no idea when solitaire won’t be enough for me. Some of my friends started and run the Tabletop Gaming club at my university, and I went to some meetings thinking it was a support group. How wrong I was. It was an enabling club was what it was. What it is. There they were, a deck of cards, just begging me to play a physical game of solitaire. How bad could it be? Bad. Very bad. I perpetuated my addiction of solitaire and I was introduced to a slew of new board games to become addicted to.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, like opening up a game of solitaire every time a YouTube video starts, change the things I can and when a card game is acceptable, and the ability to know the difference between enjoyment and obsession…

The Help Have Opinions Too

Apparently I was one of the only people who hadn't read The Help by Kathryn Stockett. I have no idea why I didn’t, but I just never quite had the desire to pick up a book about relationships and people—I prefer my books to contain action, adventure, a fantastical setting if at all possible, humor and all that. I suppose I also view civil rights as a very serious issue and found it hard to believe that someone could make light about the situation.

How wrong I was. Not that the book made light about the situation, but it portrayed the conflicts in the book as a very real problem, but not to the point that it felt like a serious drama. The Help is more of a book about people and relationships, about how different people handle oppression and injustice. It’s almost offensive to simplify it in such a way.

The Help is set in Jackson, Mississippi, 1962, and is told from three points of view: Aibileen and Minny, two maids; and Miss Skeeter, a white girl with a very different opinion about the way black maids are treated. Miss Skeeter gets the idea to write a book about how horrible some of the help’s employers are and the stories the maids can tell. Of course, such a decision never goes off without a hitch; you need to break a few eggs to make an omelet. Maybe some grated cheese, a little salt and pepper, sauteed peppers and onions, a little ham...

Here are the main players:

The Help:

Aibileen: a caring, sweet, loving caretaker of Me Mobley, daughter of Miss Elizabeth Leefolt. She is good friends with Minny. She is not married and has no children.

Minny: Sassy, foot in her mouth, not afraid to speak her mind (gets her in trouble a lot), great cook. Funny! While Aibileen provided much of the sentimental parts, Minny provides a lot of the comedy, but that doesn’t mean either of them are caricatures. Aibileen has her share of laugh out loud lines and some of Minny’s parts elicited “awwww” reactions. 

The White Females:

Miss Elizabeth Leefolt: Not a maternal woman at all, in financial trouble, dislikes people of color, but doesn’t really stick up for herself. While she isn’t outright hateable, she isn’t likeable right off the bat either. She has character depth, though, and her timidity causes her to be more of a background character than she could be.

Miss Hilly Holbrook: a larger, overweight, horrible woman. She is the kind to just commandeer everything and take charge, even if she doesn’t do it right or if no wants her to. She’s bossy, she’s rude and she looks down on the help more than Miss Leefolt. You really get to hate her. She’s the one who starts the Home Help Sanitation Initiative, a movement started to get the help their own bathroom because God forbid someone with darker skin uses her own toilet and spreads “germs only the help have.” Like I said, you really hate her.

Miss Skeeter (Eugenia Phelan): Tall, skinny, frizzy hair, described as not very attractive. Considered a failure by her mother for not being married yet, daughter of a plantation owner. She is very intelligent and a hard worker. She has a degree in journalism and wants to move away from Mississippi and get a life. She is very friendly toward the Help and views them as actual people. She’s the one who starts the book initiative to give them a voice.

Yes, I am sure this is exactly the image Kathryn Stockett had in mind. I am not one of those
people to get upset over small details that- LOOK! HER HAIR ISN'T FRIZZY, OK??!? 

Celia Rae Foote: Newly married to her husband, no friends but is always trying to get into the women’s group Hilly, Miss Skeeter, and Leefolt are in, even though no one is friendly toward her. It’s because she’s built like Marilyn Monroe, wears tight tacky clothing, high heels and lots of makeup- she just doesn’t fit in with all the other women. She needs help acting like a good housewife, but doesn’t want to tell her husband. She is sweet, but clueless. Nice to Minny and treats her like a human being. She doesn’t leave the house!

The way Stockett writes is so true to the characters' personalities. She writes the help with true voice, with no regard to grammar or full sentences. When Aibileen or Minny is speaking, it actually sounds like a black maid in the 60’s and makes for some of the funniest parts in the book. When any of the women’s club members of talking, you believe they are women bred to be housewives in the south.

When it comes down to it all, the book makes you care. From the moment I turned the first page to the moment I closed the book and set it down, I cared. It just made me feel all the things! I laughed, I cried, it moved me Bob. It made me laugh, gasp, tear up, get all squishy inside, happy, sad, angry, yell, etc.

And it’s not just because the characters are good and likable, but the way they are written just elicits a response so subtly and yet necessarily. Miss Leefolt is usually more on the side of Miss Hilly, and yet, she shows moments of vulnerability and fairness that make you still want good things for her. (most likely the opportunity to unconditionally love her children and become a better mother, but not everyone is fit to be a mother.) When I closed the book, I felt like I had been on a journey with these women and been with them every step of the way. I laughed with them, I cried with them and I feared with them.

I read another book review on this man's blog that had a less than favorable review; I wonder if I was just awed by the characters that I overlooked some writing flaws or dimensions of characters. It could be that the book is more suited toward my age group (16-24) than a middle-aged man's age group. Or maybe it's just a question of personal taste. Everyone else I know who has read it fell in love with it like I did. And that blogger's opinion of "an ending that left me feeling unsatisfied" is not something I had a problem with. Given the amount of stirring the characters did in the novel, it made sense that they didn't get their happily-ever-afters. (Though this is not to say that they got the short end of the stick, either.) And if some people don't like the vague ending of the book, I would tell them that life is not a book. There is no ending for us until we die. Until then, there will constantly be new struggles, new joys, new heartbreaks, new people and new adventures. We will never see the "The End" of our lives. 

Oh wait, there's the end. 

Despite other people's reviews, I cannot stress how good this book is. I highly recommend it. I am waiting for Kathryn Stockett’s next book with eager anticipation. If she’s taking her time because she wants it to be good, however, I hope she takes as much time as she needs.

Dad Is Fat: Observations From a Pale, Balding Man

Hot pockets. Paleness. Laziness. Cinnabons. What do these things have in common? Technically, America would have been an acceptable answer, but the real answer I was looking for was Jim Gaffigan. I suppose he would be a good spokesperson for America. I certainly wouldn’t mind.

Recently he released a book to cover almost all the bases of comedy- TV, movies and books. He just needs a podcast and he’s set! Although that may be a little difficult seeing as how he already does shows and has five kids. As someone who grew up in a house of seven kids, two parents and after I turned 14, a dog, I understand the chaos of living in a big family. Yes, like Gaffigan, I am Catholic. I am the fifth child, so I don’t remember spending much time with younger children. I was one of them at a time! I couldn’t observe them with the mind of an adult.  

Jim Gaffigan’s nonfictional semi-autobiography about parenting is only one of…well… about 20. Maybe less. I know Dave Barry wrote one (or four) funny books about kids and parenting. He is a comedy columnist, after all. Bill Cosby is probably known for one of the best, and he has even worked it into his stand up. It is hilarious. But then again, it’s Bill Cosby. Of course it’s hilarious.

The book itself was easy to read, the chapters were short, and some well-placed pictures added to the humor and sentimentality. It was written with a lot of voice and personality, and if you close your eyes, you can practically see Jim Gaffigan saying it into a microphone in front of thousands of people. Actually, he has even written in some jokes that I recognized from his stand up, but that doesn’t make then any less funny. Jim Gaffigan is also quite self-aware, which makes it nice when he calls himself out on an obvious joke. Take this one: “It’s not just leaving; it’s leaving with stuff. There is just so much stuff to bring when you have young children. When you’re headed to the park, you must pack diapers, wipes, juice boxes, and sunscreen. And then there is the stuff for the kids. (Thank you, I’m here all book.)”

This is what you're supposed to do with books, right?

He knows the joke is easy and a little groan-worthy, yet he couldn’t help himself. Instead of trying to pass it off as something he labored over, he made a joke about his joke. (Jokeception) He knows what he did and he turned a potentially eye-rolling reaction into a wry smile, if not an outright laugh or chuckle. I’ve known a few shows to do that, when a character isn’t really in an episode and instead of trying to work it in, they make a joke out of it. In a brilliant UK series called The IT Crowd, they reference that sort of thing multiple times: once, when actor Richard Ayoade wasn’t in the episode much, they turn his return into a joke. The writers know the audience knows, the audience knows the writers know they know, and so on.

The best part about the book is that even though Gaffigan balances his slightly sarcastic, self-deprecating, dry humor with genuine sincerity and gratefulness for his family. He may make jokes about how hard parenting is and how little sleep he gets (he’s down to three naps a day! Oh the inhumanity!), but he counters with a sentence or two about how amazing his wife is and how much he loves his kids. There is no doubt that he means them with all his heart. To keep from getting too sentimental, he comes back with another joke. It is supposed to be a funny book, after all. A classic example: “I am undeniably lucky to have married a woman like Jeannie. She is energetic, hardworking, and takes incredible care of the kids and me. However, during our marriage there have been periods when she has become rather lazy. Jeannie describes these periods as “pregnancy.” My view has always been, pregnant or not, that does not mean she can’t move some cinder blocks. We are a team, and I have to take a second nap today.

Of course, pregnant women are not lazy. In fact, they are the opposite of lazy. Whatever they are doing, they are also always growing a baby. Even when they are sleeping, they are growing a baby. They are constantly multitasking. I’m often not even tasking.”

Boy, talking about naps sure is-zzzzzzz..... 

Obviously, this book is best suited for people who are parents or have spent a fair amount of time with children between the ages of one and seven, but don’t worry if you’re not in that demographic. The jokes are still funny, but you might not get as much out of them or connect as well. It does help to have knowledge of kids and large family behavior, though. I know one child can be a handful, but bump that number up to five and have the older ones old enough to conspire against you and you’ve got yourself a real disaster zone. If you’re curious, you should inform Jim Gaffigan know that you’re interested in babysitting for him. He’ll call you back tomorrow. 

Warm Bodies: A Fresh Perspective From a Rotting Body

Introducing Warm Bodies, by Isaac Marion, a zombie love story that- wait, what? A zombie love story? Well, now I have heard everything. Vampires and werewolves seem likely enough candidates for paranormal romance, but zombies? They’re rotting! They can’t talk (well, in this book, they can form short, drawn out sentences)! They eat human flesh (which is somehow much worse than drinking blood to most people. I don’t know how that one slipped by)! And yet, despite all of this, Isaac Marion has created a zombie protagonist who is not only compelling, but a romantic interest. Most importantly, R is an anomaly in the zombie world. That’s how it always starts, isn't it?

For starters, R is quite a philosophical and contemplative zombie, which even he admits is strange and unnatural. Sure, he shuffles around an abandoned airport with a bunch of other zombies, but he wonders why zombies are the way they are. He muses a lot, wondering “How did this start? How did we become what we are? Was it some mysterious virus? Gamma rays? An ancient curse? Or something even more absurd?” Marion subtly gives back story to the apocalypse, either through R's thoughts or flashbacks from humans (I’ll get to that soon). R also contemplates about the purpose of being a zombie. He remarks that he could remember a time when he was purposeful and accomplished things, but now he just wanders an airport and eats flesh sometimes. He says “being dead is easy.” I myself have been wondering and even asking my friends if they’d rather live a simple life without responsibilities or worries, or if they’d rather live a full life currently, wrought with emotion, challenges, pleasures and hardships.

Everyone picks the latter choice.

R would as well.

Everything is flipped turned upside down (thanks, Will Smith) when R, his friend M and a small hoard of zombies attack a recon group of humans in the city. R kills a boy and takes a bite from his brain (those with weak stomachs, beware), instantly flooding him with the boy’s memories. The boy Perry’s memories are exactly the reason he likes brains; they’re his drug of choice and make him feel alive. When he sees the blonde girl form the boy’s memories, his girlfriend Julie, R is quite taken with her. He saves Julie, brings her back to the airport to protect her and to keep her safe. As R spends more time with Julie and revisiting Perry’s memories, R starts to feel alive and fall in love with this headstrong, beautiful girl. Of course, teenage romance just isn't easy, especially when the object of your affection’s dad wants you dead. This time for good.

I don’t want to give anything else away, but I would like to make the disclaimer that this book is pretty gritty at times. Don’t expect some light and fluffy paranormal romance novel. There is strong language at times. However, don’t let these deter you from reading this book. Despite the language and somewhat graphic descriptions, there is a lot more at heart to this novel than shock value. This is definitely not Twilight, and it doesn't ruin zombies either. It’s not just a simple love story. Marion describes zombies in a pretty gruesome and sometimes rather explicit way, especially when it comes to zombies’ actions in their attempt to feel human again. There actually is a battle where people get hurt, and gasp! Some even die! It's an actual book, instead a long fanfiction Stephanie sneezed out one day and handed to her publisher. Actually, Cracked.com did a funny piece on how to turn awful fanfiction into a bestseller. Twilight meets all 6 of the criteria. 

The best part about Warm Bodies is that it isn't a simple love story. R’s muses about how the zombie apocalypse started, what it is to be human, the interference of  the Boneys and who they are in our society (the people who want things to stay the same, no matter what) etc. These are all things I found myself relating to. I was able to stop and think about those questions and what they meant to me. Unfortunately for people I know, this also means I now ask them “what if” and “would you rather” questions, much to their chagrin.

The writing was concise, yet descriptive enough to get the picture. It was nice to have a break from the exhausting over-descriptive prose that appears in some novels I read. The characters are compelling and the story line is certainly unique. Besides, just check out what he wrote for his Amazon.com bio: “I've written a few books, but most of them are terrible. Warm Bodies is the only one so far that's worth your time. I'm about to turn 30. I'm 6'3. White. Left handed. Mildly bearded. I write strange stories about strange events, often from the perspectives of strange things. I apologize in advance for any injury or inconvenience.” If that’s not enough of a clue to his writing style and sense of humor, then I don’t know what is.

Hey! He really is mildly bearded!

I would definitely recommend Warm Bodies to anyone who likes a little bit of romance, but also wants adventure, battles, zombie apocalypses, and likes the idea of being able to change.

I saw the movie a few weeks after reading the movie and I thought it was pretty good. The book didn't have too many complexities and it wasn't too long. These, along with a plot people can follow and like, are pluses in Hollywood studios’ books. It was Hollywoodified, what with casting a Caucasian actress for the part of a black girl, and changing the ambiguous age of R to definitely teenage. It added more humor, simplified the plot, and ditched the zombie wife and adopted zombie kids, but they rather cleverly kept the two kids in the movie as random characters who view scenes in a detached manner sometimes. I would say it’s a good companion to the book, more of a lighter, more humorous, more quirky teenage comedy romance adventure than anything else.

Oh good, well that narrows it down. Also, people keep comparing it to Twilight, but I didn't really see a connection, other than the fact that it has a boy with pale skin, a girl, romance and conflict. And the girl can look a little like Kristen Stewart at times, but she acts so much better. And her character isn't painfully awkward. On the one hand, you lose some of the complexity of the philosophical internal monologues, but on the other, Nicholas Hoult is a stunning actor and I can’t help but be drawn to an interesting movie plot with some inclusion of romance. And if it takes place during a zombie apocalypse, even better.